The Legacy of Alexander Shulgin, Hero of the Psychedelic Movement, or Agent of the Blue Meanies?

The Legacy of Alexander Shulgin, Hero of the Psychedelic Movement, or Agent of the Blue Meanies?

By Preston Peet
June 19, 2014

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The passing of 88 year old Alexander Shulgin on June 2 2014, in his home in Lafayette, California did not come as a surprise to me or most anyone up on the news, sad as it was. It had been known since he suffered a serious stroke in 2010 that Shulgin was growing ever more ill, primarily due to a liver cancer prognosis on top of the results of his stroke. With the help of his wife of 35 years, Ann Shulgin, he had been actively seeking help financially to help cover the growing medical costs. He finally lost his battle with the illnesses, leaving fans grieving the world over.

Shulgin was famous, or infamous depending upon ones view, for writing two book length love letters to two sets of hallucinogenic molecules, “PHIKAL, or Phenethylamines I Have Known And Loved,” and “THIKAL, the Continuation” (Tryptamines I Have Known and Loved) , as well as even more famously popularizing the use of MDMA in psychiatric medical settings, thus bringing it to the partying world’s attention.

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As grateful as I’ve always been for Shulgin’s having not only been inadvertently (or was it really inadvertent?) instrumental in the spread and use of MDMA by so many thousands upon thousands of regular citizens, opening up minds to whole new, more (seemingly) compassionate ways of looking at the world and those living upon it, as well as so I could go through my own phase of relatively regular use of that magical drug – not to mention his genuine bravery in always testing out each and every new tweak to this or that (quite possibly extremely) powerful hallucinogenic molecule on himself and a small cadre of friends before releasing the compound upon the world – one thing that’s always left me feeling somewhat unsettled is his close working relationship with the DEA for a number of years, analyzing street drugs for them, as well as testifying in court on occasion as an expert witness, which allowed him, along with long-time DOW Chemical connections, to not only have his own private laboratory right next to his private home, but to fiddle about with, and ingest all sorts of incredibly effective molecules (when indeed they were effective. There were times the results of his experiments did not lead to wonderful trips, or much of any trip at all, or left Shulgin or another of his experimenters to experience harrowing and hellish psychedelic trips) without any interference from law enforcement for years.

Yes, granted, the DEA did eventually raid Shulgin’s lab on October 27, 1994, but for someone, like me, with somewhat more finely developed senses of curiosity and suspicion both, it’s easy to see the possibility that the spread of MDMA, first coming out of Shulgin’s lab in the late 1970s to a group of psychotherapists, then within a few short years exploding onto the clubbing, partying scene where it was sold and taken openly, legally, by adventurous youngsters who found the feelings of empathy and a happy, speedy affection for anything and everything into which they came into contact, that there was more going on behind the scene, involving covert, black operations and the deliberate creation of yet another criminal class, as well as a segment of society made up of bright, promising youth who instead of working to change a system growing more draconian and even fascistic, began to focus more and more on scoring enough drugs, in this case MDMA (or whatever was being passed off as ecstasy to a trusting clientele who thanks to prohibition had no way of knowing what was really in the drugs they were buying, what poisons may have been mixed in to make the drug go further, making more money for the dealers and leaving more dead bodies of unsuspecting partiers who died years before their time- giving the authorities their excuse to crack down on what they perceived as a new generation of trouble making new agey hippy and raver type . The result of the birth of Rave culture was a generation of kids who could turn on some serious feelings of love by simply eating one or three little pills, then forget about the grime of Iran-Contra, and the CIA trafficking tons upon tons of cocaine into the US (creating fodder for the rapidly expanding private prison industry), that whole corrupt Reagan-Bush thing all these eaters of ecstasy spent twelve years allowing to run roughshod over government regulation of corporate greed and their overseeing of a steadily mutating armed forces’ and law enforcement militarism.

Could the spread of ecstasy have helped divert attention from growing signs of corporate, government and military disregard for the civilian populace, an intentional form of psychological warfare aimed at any possibility of a citizenry aware and proactive enough to put the brakes to the rape of our planet’s resources and the rapidly expanding powers of frighteningly militaristic domestic police forces? The idea is not unheard of, as authors Martin A. Lee and Bruce Shlain made abundantly clear in “Acid Dreams: the Complete Social History of LSD, the CIA, the 60s, and Beyond,” their landmark 1985 expose of CIA and other official connections to the development, popularizing and world-wide spread of LSD a decade or two before MDMA appeared on the world stage.

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Shulgin, who had in the late 1950s developed a series of biodegradable insect killing chemicals for DOW Chemical Corporation, subsequently also producing synthesized mescaline in 1960, the active ingredient that causes human beings to trip after eating certain cactus, such as peyote. Shulgin was allowed to pretty much run his own show after this for a number of years, until in 1966 he left DOW and moved onto what he and his wife named The Farm, where in a lab near the house, he labored for years bringing out one new molecule after another, until the DEA carried out their somewhat petty and veritably useless 1994 raid, which ended their official ties.

The mid-1980s, “Just Say No” shenanigans of Nancy Reagan and government and police friends, along with a publicly panicking DEA, had already managed to convince the US government to enact the Federal Analogue Act in 1986, making it illegal to create any new form of hallucinogenic molecule that even resembled any already in existence and therefore already banned. But this had little effect on Shulgin, who continued his tinkering with molecular structures, churning out hundreds of new forms of chemical agents of chaos both before and after said raid.

Where my own disheartening and unsettling feelings begin to really jangle and jig is when I discovered out that even while Shulgin was being “harassed” by the evil federal DEA, which was claiming he was producing a horrible “menace” by his producing and spreading to the world MDMA, ( actually first patented by Merck in 1912 until the US Military used it in its MK-ULTRA experiments in the later 1950s, seeking truth serums and more dastardly uses for a variety of strong, mind-bending chemical concoctions) he was still cooperating with the DEA, all the time.

In 1965, while still working at DOW Chemical, Shulgin found references to MDMA. So, while not inventing the love drug himself, he was the one who came up with an extremely simple manner of producing large quantities of the drug, and tried it for the first time on himself in 1967. Shulgin soon gave a small vial to his friend, psychotherapist Leo Zeff, who in turn allegedly passed it on to thousands of compatriot therapist types and the genie was out of the bottle for good, despite every apparent (and ultimately a wasted) effort by the DEA and other arms of the prohibitionists’ armed forces to stop its spread.

By the time of the 1985 DEA raid on his home and lab, severing the official contract he held with DEA to analyze confiscated street drugs in his private lab, as well as that practice by the DEA to pretty much turn a blind eye to all his other activities, most of which were for a long time not in any way, shape or form illegal but still seem on the face of it to be somewhat suspicious that they did not attract more official attention than they did for so many years, Shulgin was well known to federal anti-drug agents. Yet he never was arrested, never served any time behind bars, and Shulgin even continued testifying as an expert in court cases for the DEA. Just how much of a menace did the feds really feel he was? Was this more a case of a pet scientist of shady government, military and intelligent agencies, working to su pply one chemical after the next that would insure that more and more potentially politically aware youth would simply drop out of the system, carried up and away by the very genuine but still artificially created feelings of camaraderie and affection for their fellow human beings and other life forms on the planet, chemical compounds which would keep many from participating in the political process? The fact that Shulgin was also a member of the secretive Bohemian Grove, or as he called it in passing, The Owl Club, is also fodder for the conspiracy-minded crowd. What was a psychedelic researcher of the most fringe, radical chemical compounds designed to alter the brain and perception doing hanging out with a collection of society’s elite ruling types, including such scary individuals as Henry Kissinger? There really does seem to be more to the story of Shulgin than meets the eye.

Now, despite my somewhat pessimistic assessment so far in this blog, there is no denying there are real, genuine benefits from the use of MDMA, for myriad reasons, including the treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome of all levels, from the most mild to debilitating examples. The Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies, founded by Rick Doblin in 1986, who started the organization to promote the study and use of MDMA (as well as other substances, such as LSD, psilocybin, ayahuasca, ibogaine, and marijuana), working to get them all approved for various medical treatments and uses.

While I may have allowed my suspicious nature to shine forth for the beginning of this article, it’s true, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that MDMA (and all the other substances I list just above), all have their very real, helpful benefits for veterans, trauma patients, the depressed, and probably for many other illnesses and problems these victims suffer. Now, if only the US and other prohibitionist government could move past the control freakiness and greedheaded “gotta make a profit” mode, perhaps, just perhaps, we could see in a few short years the use of substances illegal to use, or even experiment with today, in common use. Let’s all hope we see this day arrive so much sooner than later. It’s way past time.

 

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Italy joins the ranks of the newly sane, repeals anti-pot laws

Italy Strikes Down Insane Anti-Pot Laws
By Preston Peet
February 14, 2014

 

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On Wednesday, February 12, 2014, Italy’s Constitutional Court dropped their anti-pot laws, potentially freeing up to 10000 prisoners, asserting that the laws as they’ve stood since 2006 were “illegitimate.”

In 2006, pot sentences were tripled, making the repercussions for being caught with marijuana as bad as being found with cocaine or heroin, and the penalties for all on par with one another. The new rules could potentially free up to 10,000 currently incarcerated prisoners. Up to 40% of prisoners currently locked up in Italy were for marijuana infractions, a number that simply boggles the mind.

Penalties for possession, cultivation and sales, once set at 2 to 6 years had shot up to an insane 6 to 20 years. Now that the law has been repealed, things go back to where they stood in 1993, when marijuana was still considered a “soft drug.” While neither law made consumption of pot illegal, both made the possession of pot very illegal.

 

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“The so-called drug war as conceived in North America has been lost and it’s time to return to rational rules that distinguish between substances,” said Franco Corleone, of the human rights group Society of Reason, to Reuters.
Senator Carlo Giovanardi, one of the designers of the draconian law, is not at all happy with the ruling, asserting that it’s a “devastating choice from a scientific viewpoint and in the message it sends to young people that some drugs are less dangerous than others,” proving that it’s not just US anti-drug zealots who have seemingly lost their minds.

The world is moving forward, and one day sooner than later, people will be looking back on the past few decades with wonder and awe, amazed that human beings could have been so ignorant and mean to their fellow citizens. Sociologists will be teaching courses comparing alcohol prohibition to our current wacky anti-pot laws. The day can’t come soon enough.

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Screw the Handicapped, Especially the Ones Getting Stoned! They Don’t Need to Work Anyway, Right?

Screw the Handicapped, Especially the Ones Getting Stoned!
They Don’t Need to Work Anyway, Right?

By Preston Peet
Nov. 22, 2013

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Unfortunately, some human beings seem to think that federal anti-pot statutes should trump Colorado medical marijuana laws, thereby taking the opportunity to royally screw a paralyzed, wheelchair bound young man obeying Colorado State laws to the letter.

This story is about the inspiring and determined Colorado resident Brandon Coats, a 34 year old Customer Service representative for the satellite television provider Dish Network Corp. (DISH). The higher ups at his job decided to administer Coats a drug test. Paralyzed in a car accident at 16, Coats explained to the company even before the test that he used prescribed medical marijuana, to ease muscle spasms, but would be happy to comply with a request by the company to undergo a saliva drug test. Coats was a customer service representative for the DISH company until he failed that drug test. He has remained unemployed ever since that test was administered three years ago, in 2010. Remember, this is Colorado, where the prescription Coats has for marijuana was legally obtained from his doctor.

“I had a doctor’s permission to do something I need to help me get on with my life,” said Coats. This has not stopped DISH from handing Coats his walking papers, firing him over the THC found in this saliva, because the company feels Coats’ use is against Federal law. Therefore, despite it being legal in Coats’ home state of Colorado it doesn’t matter, federal law trumps state law.

The Colorado Court of Appeals upheld his firing, ruling that even though Coats’ marijuana use was lawful under state law, it was prohibited by federal statute. The State Supreme court has yet to rule on Coats’ appeal.

“As a national company, DISH is committed to its drug-free workplace policy and compliance with federal law, which does not permit the use of marijuana, even for medicinal purposes,” wrote DISH spokesperson Bob Toevs in an email, explaining why it was necessary to put the paralyzed Coats out of work three years ago, and why the decision by the state court that his company having fired that dangerously paralyzed, probably subversive Coats was a good one, thanks to the antiquarian federal anti-pot laws still dirtying up the books.

According to the story about Coats at Bloomberg.com, there is a House bill from California Republican Dana Rohrabacher, which should give state marijuana laws priority over the U.S. Controlled Substances Act. Rohrabacher’s bill has 20 co-sponsors, “from Arizona Democrat Raul Grijalva, among the most liberal members of Congress, to Justin Amash of Michigan and Steve Stockman of Texas, both Republicans.”

So for now, Coats remains unemployed and the status of his appeal remains in limbo.

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Never to Late to Change a Mind

Never to Late to Change a Mind

by Preston Peet
August 8, 2013

National media doctor and anti-pot proponent Dr. Sanjay Goupta has changed his views about the use of medical marijuana. Once a stalwart proponent for the War, he is now apologizing for his previous stance, and is calling for change.

Over the years I’ve been reporting on the War on Marijuana in all its guises, I’ve been treated more than once as though I were harboring some unreal expectations. Grow up, I’d be told, because only stoners expect real change in this world. I’d laugh, shake my head, then continue reporting on, and advocating an end to the War. Dr. Goupta’s drastic 180 degree shift in opinion, since his penning an anti-medical marijuana screed for Time Magazine in 2007, should give heart to all the hard working activists across the United States.

“I apologize because I didn’t look hard enough, until now. I didn’t look far enough. I didn’t review papers from smaller labs in other countries doing some remarkable research, and I was too dismissive of the loud chorus of legitimate patients whose symptoms improved on cannabis,” writes Dr. Gupta in an essay published August 8 for CNN.com.

“Instead, I lumped them with the high-visibility malingerers, just looking to get high. I mistakenly believed the Drug Enforcement Agency listed marijuana as a schedule 1 substance because of sound scientific proof. Surely, they must have quality reasoning as to why marijuana is in the category of the most dangerous drugs that have ‘no accepted medicinal use and a high potential for abuse.’” He writes. “They didn’t have the science to support that claim, and I now know that when it comes to marijuana neither of those things are true. It doesn’t have a high potential for abuse, and there are very legitimate medical applications. In fact, sometimes marijuana is the only thing that works…. ”

Never give up hope that you too can change a prohibitionist’s mind about marijuana, medical or non alike. There is always hope, and it really is never too late.

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Disinformation Guide to Ancient Aliens, Lost Civilizations, Astonishing Archaeology and Hidden History- an excerpt

Disinformation Guide to Ancient Aliens, Lost Civilizations, Astonishing Archaeology and Hidden History- an excerpt

(copyright 2005/2013)

By Preston Peet

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“The goal of this anthology is not to present definitive answers to all, or even to any of the myriad mysteries and puzzling questions. Rather, the goal is to inspire you, the readers, to think and question archaeological and historical orthodoxy on any number of levels by offering alternative possibilities what are now the “acceptable” theories….”

….

The “Real” Past

“In recent years, archaeology has turned a great deal of its attention to theoretical musings, to examining its most basic assumptions. Are there any ‘facts’?” asks Paul G. Bahn in the forward to his 1995 collection 100 Great Archaeological Discoveries, (Barnes and Nobel Books), which, writes Bahn, details 100 of the most exciting discoveries made by archaeology in the last couple of centuries. “Can one say anything meaningful and objective about the past when studying (highly incomplete) evidence in the present?” But just a page later, after noting we cannot possibly really “know” human pre-history, Bahn then goes on to illustrate the way in which the mainstream often ostracizes and ridicules what Barbara Ann Clow, in her 2001 book Catastrophobia describes as the “new paradigm researchers,” (and who is herself definitely a “new paradigm researcher,”) by writing:

“A further motivation for producing a book of this kind is to be found in the recent re-emergence of the Von Danikenesque (Chariots of the God?) ‘God is a Spaceman’ message. We had hoped that books promoting the theory that anything impressive or bizarre in the archaeological record must be attributable to extraterrestrial visitors were a freak phenomenon of the 1970s, and that, having sold in tens of millions, they had faded away. Now, however, the success of the film Stargate (a science-fiction fantasy suggesting that ancient Egyptian civilization was produced by an extraterrestrial) and the unexpected appearance in the 1995 bestseller lists of Fingerprints of the Gods (a book arguing that the monuments of the ancient world were built 15,000 years ago by a race of super-beings whose lost civilization now lies in ruins beneath Antarctica) shows that the monster was merely dormant; it can easily awake and devour an army of gullible readers. So we hope a book that sets out the ‘real past,’ the astonishing variety of human achievements, the end-products of our ancestors’ sweat and ingenuity, will not only help explain what archaeologists do and why (albeit in a very incomplete fashion at that) but also go a little way towards counteracting this resurrected obsession without ascribing our heritage to fantasy super-humans.”

Besides his telling readers first that there’s no way to “know the real past,” then decreeing what should be considered “real” when studying the past, Bahn is blatantly misrepresenting Hancock’s theories put forth in Fingerprints of the Gods, in which Hancock never wrote anything about “super-humans,” but rather examined the possibility that humanity had progressed into a fairly advanced maritime civilization or even more than one civilization during those thousands upon thousands of years between the appearance of apparently “modern” humans and what appears to have been cataclysmic changes on the Earth at the end of the last ice age about 12,000 or so years ago. Insulting too is Bahn’s assertion that Von Daniken’s idea (and Von Daniken is certainly not alone in his suspicions or he wouldn’t have sold those tens of millions of book Bahn almost jealously mentions) that extraterrestrials might have visited and interacted with people in some way on Earth at some point in the mists of prehistory as being beyond consideration is merely condescending—with the vast number of stars and possibilities for different cultures having developed throughout the cosmos, who’s to say one way or the other whether such radical theories are wrong or crazy merely because they’re so “controversial” or “strange” or unacceptable to the status quo.

In the Disinformation Guide to Ancient Aliens, Lost Civilizations, Astonishing Archaeology and Hidden History, my goal is to illustrate that the “monster”—of questioning the established paradigm, and positing radical new ideas and theories—is not dormant nor dying, that it is alive and well, and that mainstream guardians of the status quo resorting to haughty statements of assuredness and sincerity and scorn of the outsider cannot hide the fact that there are unanswered questions and mysteries that abound about our pre-history, questions that haven’t come close to being answered by mainstream archaeology. The goal of this anthology is not to present definitive answers to all, or even to any of the myriad mysteries and puzzling questions. Rather, the goal is to inspire you, the readers, to think and question archaeological and historical orthodoxy on any number of levels by offering alternative possibilities to what are now the “acceptable” theories. Countless are the interpretations of the “extremely limited” evidence at hand, and many the mysteries and anomalies, (too many even for a collection as wide and varied as this book is to include within one cover), so that any theory or postulation is as valid as the next, since we cannot, as Bahn noted, “really know” our pre-history, that span of 100,000 to 200,000 years (and quite possibly even much longer) when modern human were walking the Earth supposedly waiting for that magic moment when civilization’s trappings suddenly took root and sprang up across the globe in scattered and supposedly disconnected locations amongst people totally independent of contact between one another on their separate continents. But we can take a look at these mysteries and wonder, and postulate and theorize and suggest conclusions from the evidence without having to worry about not being Politically Correct enough for those academics who insist that pre-history is a cut and dried story just missing a few minor details. 

Contributors such as Graham Hancock (Underworld, Talisman: Sacred Cities, Secret Faith, and Sign and the Seal), Colin Wilson (The Occult, From Atlantis to the Sphinx, and The Atlantis Blueprint, with Rand Flem-Ath), Frank Joseph (Survivors of Atlantis, and the Destruction of Atlantis), William R. Corliss (The Sourcebook Project, Ancient Man—A Handbook of Puzzling Artifacts, and Archeological Anomalies: Small Artifacts— Bone, Stone, Metal Artifacts, Footprints, High Technology), George Erikson (Atlantis in America), Christopher Dunn (the Giza Power Plant—Technologies of Ancient Egypt) and many more all examine an incredible number of alternative views to those promoted by the current defenders of mainstream paradigm, who insist only they can tell us what was happening during our “real” pre-historical stages. The contributors within these pages might not all agree with one another’s theories and ideas, but they do prove again and again that we human beings have not necessarily “evolved” from most primitive to most advanced, but have risen and fallen in fits and starts, rising to great heights only to be wiped out by some disaster, like a cometary strike or a massive flood or simply human stupidity, or any number of other great disasters that could have befallen the more advanced and primitive civilizations alike.

Catastrophe

“Biblical stories, apocalyptic visions, ancient art and scientific data all seem to intersect at around 2350 B.C., when one or more catastrophic events wiped out several advanced societies in Europe, Asia and Africa,” reports Robert Roy Britt at Space.com, (November 13, 1001). While some sort of strike by a large object from space has long been a theory to explain the sudden decline of many of the great early civilizations of the Ancient World, there was no “smoking gun” until the find by satellite imagery of a gargantuan, two mile wide crater left by a the impact of an extra-planetary object, either a comet or a comet’s “associated meteors storms” which slammed into what is now Iraq. “The Akkadian culture of Iraq, thought to be the world’s first empire, collapsed,” writes Britt. “The settlements of ancient Israel, gone. Mesopotamia, Earth’s original breadbasket, dust. Around the same time — a period called the Early Bronze Age—apocalyptic writings appeared, fueling religious beliefs that persist today.” The Epic of Gilgamesh, written at about this time, describes “the fire, brimstone and flood of possibly mythical events.” Britt reports, “Omens predicting the Akkadian collapse preserve a record that ‘many stars were falling from the sky.’ The ‘Curse of Akkad,’ dated to about 2200 B.C., speaks of ‘flaming potsherds raining from the sky.’ Roughly 2000 years later, the Jewish astronomer Rabbi bar Nachmani created what could be considered the first impact theory: That Noah’s Flood was triggered by two ‘stars’ that fell from the sky. ‘When God decided to bring about the Flood, He took two stars from Khima, threw them on Earth, and brought about the Flood.’”

If a worldwide calamity took place today, possibly leaving behind a few scattered remnants of more technologically advanced people to rebuild small communities and devices to try and forecast another disaster should it come, like perhaps ancient survivors of ancient advanced civilizations did when building the now enigmatic and mysterious megalithic temples and observatories around the globe, but mainly left those primitive peoples who, as is still the case today in late March, 2005, live in stone-age conditions in the remotest parts of the world, to tell the tale of what came before, to describe for their children and grandchildren the vast modern cities and technologies that were utterly destroyed in fiery cataclysm or sunk beneath the waves, how would future scientists interpret their stories, which would eventually become their myths? Would they do any better a job then we have? 

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To read more, please buy the Disinformation Guide to Ancient Aliens, Lost Civilizations, Astonishing Archaeology and Hidden History here.

http://www.amazon.com/Disinformation-Ancient-Civilizations-Astonishing-Archaeology/dp/1938875036/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375384837&sr=1-1&keywords=the+disinformation+guide+to+ancient+aliens

 

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Things Found

Things Found

By Preston Peet
July 31, 2013

Sometimes life puts hurdles in the path, obstacles which we human beings must claw and bite and climb over or through to continue moving forward. Other times though, it literally lays down gold.

Living in the city, my contact to the actual Earth is minimal, so buried treasures and lost civilizations I have not yet come across. Still, I have then and again found real lost treasures simply lying out in the open, from books to drugs to even gold.

One early evening, while living the life of a street bound junkie in the Lower East Side of New York City in the mid-90s, I spotted what I initially took to be one of those gold foil wrapped chocolate coins thrown to crowds during some parades I attended as a child. Rather than chocolate, upon stooping to pick up said coin from the gutter outside the mosque on 10th Street and First Avenue, it turned out to be a half-ounce gold Chinese Panda coin. I ended up selling it in a 24 hour pawn shop on Avenue B just before the break of dawn the next morning, after carrying it around in my pocket all night, in withdrawals of the very worst sort while thinking there was no way it was real, but still interesting enough a find to hold on to. Once I showed it to another street punk, who nearly leapt out of his skin when I pulled it out and asked his opinion, my interest in keeping the coin disappeared as I could only think about how well I could get him and me both. I allowed myself to get seriously ripped off on the price (embarrassingly enough, a mere $80), but since it was found treasure, I cannot complain, as sorry as I still feel at times at my putting myself in such straights where I’d not hesitate to let go of something so unique to me for such a pathetic pittance.

I’ve found cash, from mere quarters to envelopes containing up to a bit over a hundred bucks. I’ve found a single diamond earring, gold bracelets, and necklaces and rings too. Bags of marijuana both good and bad, not to mention heroin and cocaine, I have found at one time or another. I found an old, leather bound bible once that was a good 150 years old, in remarkably good condition, that I carried around with me on the streets for a couple days, hefting that huge, heavy load with me trying to sell it to no avail, eventually leaving it on some stoop for the next entrepreneur and/or lover of books to find.

Greatly enjoying stories of lost treasures found by individuals, often not looking for said treasures but stumbling over them anyway, I’ve long wanted to dive for pirate ships, or dig up some ancient burial ground. Better, I’d dearly love discovering a completely anomalous, out of place oopart or two, or discovering some long lost temple or religious artifacts, or most exciting for me, some legendary lost buried or sunken city, or a totally unknown civilization even.

More a sometimes armchair, sometimes city crawling explorer than an active globetrotting archaeologist, I shall continue to keep my eyes peeled as I make my way along the spiral of life, knowing full well that at any moment, any time and in nearly every place, the possibility of some new discovery either good for my finances or to satisfy my itch for knowledge is there, waiting for my next step to fall.

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Oh, the games people play

Oh, the games people play.

How many times have I found myself sitting, staring blankly into space, idealizing suicide? I can’t come close to counting up the number of instances I’ve engaged in this activity.

Some have said this is a bad sign, that I should be happier, less morose. I’m not so sure. I think, sometimes, that this is a healthy release, much healthier than actually carrying through with it.

Planning it out in my head, I’ve envisioned so many ways to do it.
Picturing the barrel against the back of my skull, I can feel the weight of the pistol in my hand. I wouldn’t want to wind up like that poor kid who tried to kill himself after listening to Judas Priest and blew his face off, but survived. That would suck. So I’d be sure to aim at the lower rear of my skull of course, as I’ve recently read that’s the most likely spot to be fatal when shot in the head. Still, I live in NYC, so buying a handgun is problematic, seeing as I’m not a hard core gangster, only a mildly across the line pseudo-criminal sort.

As with a gunshot, cutting veins would also leave a major mess. It would also be much more painful, take a lot longer to go out, leaving me too much time for regrets and second guessing. Having already failed miserably at this at least once in my checkered past, I’d rather not take up a blade.

Drinking poison is not an option. I have enough trouble swallowing actual food. Trying to gag down some drain cleaner or rat poison is not appealing in the slightest.

Hanging myself is a no go. The thought of doing the gallows dance is seriously unappealing.

It’s the same with leaping off high places. When I get to the jumping thoughts, I usually realize I’m merely playing a psycho game with myself (certainly with myself, since I never let anyone else know about these thoughts). I am surrounded by tall buildings and soaring bridges here, with plenty of places to choose from where I’d be sure to get it right, and have the leap into space end in serious finality. No matter how down I may feel, as I have not ever gone ahead and climbed to the roof of a building here, this is when I realize I’m probably not serious about suicide.

The one way most folk who know me would think I’d be most likely to go would be from an intentional overdose from drugs. With my luck though, I’d most likely write a lyrical note, buy a bundle of heroin, do it all and nod out, only to wake up to someone bitching me out for nodding out at my computer, again, broke and alive and embarrassed too. Probably in withdrawals as well.

I’d love to set it up so people would debate and argue about whether I’d committed suicide, or had been suicided.

The thought of my cats wandering confusedly around my cooling, lifeless, mangled corpse totally turns me off, so I guess I’ll enjoy yet another sunny day instead, pondering questions about life, death and taxes.

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